i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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