no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
