Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
