"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
