Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
