I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
