so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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