This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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