i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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