Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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