I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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