p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
