I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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