I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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