Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
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