Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
