I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
