her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
