i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
