yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
