Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I'm at about main and main street
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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