She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
