Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
