My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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