I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
