my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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