Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
