I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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