oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
