Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
