"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
