Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
