I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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