If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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