my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
