There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Randomize
