I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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