3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
