craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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