I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize