girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Houston, we have a squirter
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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