Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
