Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
