so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
