I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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