Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
