Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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