Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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