my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
