This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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