Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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