No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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