Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
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