she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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