btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
