i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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