I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
party gras won. party gras always wins.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
