hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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