How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
your like the ambassador to my penis.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
