Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
