apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
The power of my boobs compel you
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
